Novels Naked

What do you people think of writing novels? What do you people think it’s like? I used to think it was like reading them – a soft cuddle of a page turner somewhere and the author must’ve rushed through it with hardly a thought, a thriller and his blood might’ve turned to alchohol and spontaneously burned itself. Really, I used to think those things. When I got down to writing a biggie (a novel as many people would call it,) it wasn’t that far ahead in my writing…ahem…career. In fact, the first piece that I wrote was a biggie, a huge enough biggie that I only completed it recently. A big biggie. But, enough about that.

Earlier, I said some holy stuff about writing. All that’s true, but when you twist the ethereal to become a novel, things go a little bit differently: if you’re in shorts you only have to worry about your package. When you’re wearing a suit and a tie, things change: people even look at your shoes. In novels, people tend not to look at your shoes. It isn’t the small things that matter, it’s the numerous small things that add up to a huge big whole. Things like 1) “Have you checked your spelling, bozo?” 2) “Nobody speaks like this in RL ass!” or my personal favorite: 3) “Duh”. Expect responses like that when you play with the big boys. It’s like you’re one of the pepsi blue men drinking a coke. Well, not quite, but let’s ignore that for a sec.

When you think of writing, the purest way to go about it is to write short stories. I can’t explain or justify that but that’s what I think. Don’t ever start with a novel, and please please if you are a good enough writer, never be a one-novel person. Never.

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